


Loneliness

by Doctor_Discord



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, He's a Sad Baby, Loneliness, Poor Host, Silver is a Good Bean, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:01:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23378800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctor_Discord/pseuds/Doctor_Discord
Summary: The Host is lonely, and the presence of others doesn’t always fix it. But it helps.
Relationships: The Host/Dr. Iplier
Comments: 7
Kudos: 118





	Loneliness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Emptynarration](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emptynarration/gifts).



The Host was lonely.

He liked his space,that was true. He was much more reserved than most of the other egos. They were so _loud_ , they gave him headaches, so he kept away. He stayed in his library, just working, slaving away to his visions. 

He didn’t get visitors. He didn’t know most of them well enough for them to consider visiting. The Host knew he was pretty… _off-putting,_ too. He knew every little things about the other egos, with having rarely spoken a word to them and them knowing virtually _nothing_ about him in return. And…well, Dr. Iplier was busy. He knew Dr. Iplier loved him, but the hospital was quite demanding, and he didn’t always have time. And the Host was lonely.

It was a miracle, if one thought about it, how he managed to be lonely in a house filled with sixteen other people. But he supposed that just made the loneliness all the more _crippling_. Sometimes, he could hear the others above him, laughing loudly and enjoying each others company, as the Host continued to drain himself in his basement sanctuary, shoving himself into another vision, another ghost of human contact.

The Host was familiar with the loneliness at this point. It was like his coat, constantly wrapped around him, heavy on his shoulders. Even… _before_ , he was familiar with it. The Author’s entire existence had been isolation, deluding himself with his own words and characters that he wasn’t so very _alone_. It made sense, that the pattern continued. Fundamentally, they _were_ the same person. It made sense. The Host didn’t _like_ it, but…it made sense. Why _would_ anyone want to get to know him, anyway? In their eyes, he was still the Author, right? Constantly writing, isolating himself, only resurfacing covered in blood. It didn’t matter if it was his own or someone else’s. It was still _blood_. It still stained him red.

He was just… _lonely_. And it hurt. Like a deep _ache_ in his chest.

So when he heard the creaky old library door open, he couldn’t help the flood of surprise, confusion, and _relief_.

He paused in his narrations, sitting straighter, and set his quill down. He hardly felt the blood staining his face in clothes, but in a brief panic of wanting to look _presentable_ for his rare guest, he quickly narrated the stains away. He adjusted his bandages, making sure they weren’t slipping or revealing the empty eye sockets it was their job to hide. Internally, he berated himself. He was so _desperate_ for human contact, he was panicking like Darkiplier himself had come to visit. Now _that_ was unlikely.

“Um…Host?”

The Host twisted around in his chair, tilting his head. His narrations told him it was the Silver Shepherd that had come to visit, and his surprise grew. It must’ve showed on his face, because Silver shifted uncomfortably. “Um, sorry to bother you, I just thought – no, I’ll go –”

“No, wait!” Silver stopped, and the Host swore internally. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Um, wh-why is the Silver Shepherd here?”

He heard Silver turned back to face him. “Well…you…you’re never around. You’re always down here, in the dark. Though I suppose the dark wouldn’t matter to you, but uh –” Silver cleared his own throat. “I-I-I guess I just got – curious. About who you were.”

The Host could hardly believe what he was being told. He simply stared at Silver for a moment, brow furrowed in confusion. When Silver shifted again, he snapped out of it, impulsively blurting out a single word. “Why?”

Silver let out an awkward laugh. “What, is it so hard to believe someone would want to get to know you?”

The Host didn’t answer, and he supposed that was answer enough. Silver cleared his throat again. “Did…did you write all these books?”

The Host slowly nodded. “…Yes.”

Silver’s tone became less uncomfortable, and more _awed_. “Whoa. Are they all stories?”

The Host shook his head. “No. Most are actually just the Host’s visions he’s transcribed. But…there are some novels, when the Host has free time.”

“So…all of our entire futures are sitting here, right under our feet?”

The Host allowed himself a small chuckle. “Some at this point are the past, and not the _entire_ future, but…yes.”

“Whoa.” 

Silver seemed to slowly be relaxing, and the Host did too, his shoulders dropping a bit. The Host managed a tiny smile, a little hope growing in his chest. “Would Silver care to read one of the Host’s shorter stories? Only if he would like to, of course.” Again, he swore internally for backpedaling so quickly.

“Uh, I don’t know about a novel, but…got any comic books?”

Silver sounded like he was half-joking, but the Host’s brow furrowed in concentration all the same. “Actually, yes. The Host doesn’t draw often, but –” He pushed himself away from his desk, standing and heading deeper into his library. “Come! It’s okay!”

Silver hesitantly followed as the Host weaved between the shelves, knowing _exactly_ where he was going despite his blindness, no narrations needed. He finally skidded to a halt when he reached a very back corner, Silver nearly running into him. The Host didn’t even notice, tongue poking out between his teeth as he scanned the shelf. He lit up. “Ah! Here!” He reached up, pulling a couple thinner hand-bound books off the shelf and handing them to Silver. He rubbed the back of his neck, bowing his head as his awkward shyness returned. “They’re more graphic novels than comic books, but…”

“Oh my God, Host – these are _amazing!”_ He could hear Silver thumbing through the pages, just glancing at the hand-drawn illustrations, and the Host felt a blush beginning to creep into his cheeks. “Seriously, these are _really_ good! Can I – can I borrow them?”

The Host smiled, shrugging. “This _is_ a library after all.”

“Can I…read them down here? With you? The others are pretty loud, and there’s not much time for a proper reading environment up there.”

The Host’s mouth fell open, and it took him a couple tries to get his voice working again. “The – the Host doesn’t see why not. Here –”

He mumbled something under his breath, and suddenly the pair was standing in the eye of the library again by the Host’s desk. Silver stumbled, and nearly fell, but the Host waved his hand and muttered something else, and suddenly there was a big, plush armchair sitting on the other side of the Host’s desk. Silver stumbled into it, and the Host chuckled, taking his own seat and picking up his quill again. Silver didn’t say anything more, just cracked open one of the novels and began to read, but there was something gnawing on the Host’s insides, preventing him from touching his quill to the parchment. He lifted his head, tilting it to the side and furrowing his brow at Silver. “…Why did the Silver Shepherd _really_ come down here?”

Silver hesitated a moment, then spoke slowly. “…I’m a superhero, Host. I know when someone needs my help.”

The Host felt… _something,_ in his chest, as Silver went back to reading. The Host smiled a little, ignoring the tears that pricked at the corner of his eyes. The ache of loneliness was still there, but…as they dissolved into silence, Silver just becoming a physical, _human_ presence nearby…

It got better.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't remember why I wrote this one, but I do like it. It's nice, I think.  
> Sorry that all these Tumblr stories tend to be angsty asdfghjkl I do promise there are some fluffy ones in my archives somewhere asdfghjkl
> 
> Tumblr: doctordiscord123.tumblr.com


End file.
